The Year of Yes... Black Girl Style

11:00pm

2008-05-24T23:00:00.002-04:00

So, It's a 11:00pm pn a Saturday night and I'm home alone, searching the internet, and looking at clothes that I cannot afford!

People think when you enter into relationships every Saturday night is exciting and captivating....NOT!

Random

2008-05-21T18:51:00.002-04:00

It's been a while since I've wrote about me and S...everything is going GREAT. Last month there was a lot of "tension" between us, mainly because I was feeling that 1 year itch and thinking about where me and him stood and where are things gonna go from here. But after we had a long drawn out discussion...everything worked out. And as someone who left me a comment advised, I'm just gonna enjoy the ride. I know I enjoy his presence and want him to be in my life, so I can relax!

For our 1 year anniversary we are heading to Miami! I'm very excited! This is our first vacay together! I'm hoping everything is gonna go ok!

I've convinced my cousin to start the year of the yes also. I'm convinced that it does work! I thank the year of the yes for making me open minded and giving S a chance...

Blockbuster Accounts and fire works?

2008-03-04T12:37:00.002-05:00

So...me and S got a Blockbuster account together...sure its not a bank account or a credit card and he didn't cosign for that new VW Jetta that I've been lusting after, but its a start.

As we start to get closer and our relationship starts to progress, I can't but help to wonder if as a young 20 smoething should I be dating other people. Should I be seeing what DC has to offer...am I complete sure this is right and real...shouldn't there be fireworks or visions of him on a shiny white horse. Is this love? Is falling in love nothing like what we see in the movies?
In July me and him are suppose to visit my crazy family...I don't know if I'm ready for that. Are my reservations a sign that I'm not ready for this? He asks me about OUR kids and future and it freaks me out...I kinda need a bag to breathe in so I wont faint. A part of me is happy to be involved in a loving relationship...with someone I can spend great time with...but shouldn't there be fireworks?

Valentine's Day

2008-02-20T11:30:00.002-05:00

This was the first time in a long time that I've had a Valentine.

I must admit, Valentine's Day is a little overrated.

Me and S decided to stay in and have dinner at home. He cooked a traditional Congolese meal and I made dessert. I whipped up some chocolate cupcakes and made my own vanilla frosting! We exchanged cards and little gifts we gotten each other and ate our food. We shared some loving, than it became late and we both had to be at work the next day so we went to bed.

As a single woman I yearned for a Valentine, but now that I have one I see why those with Valentines always said it is not that serious. For some girls, especially those in bootleg relationships who need Valentine's Day to feel like their partner loves or cares about them, it is important. However, for others, who are in committed and loving relationships, love is something that is shared everyday and February 14 is just another day.

Bad Friend or Good Girlfriend?

2008-01-29T12:51:00.000-05:00

Well, Baltimore was great. Not much to do in Baltimore, but it was nice being away from home for a while and having a complete stranger make my bed and bring me fresh towels.

For years I was always the single friend. Now I'm starting to feel bad for telling my friends I'm hanging out with "S" tonight or not waving my hands in the air when the DJ yells out "Where my single ladies at." I fear becoming one of those girls who gets a man but loses her friends. I try to balance my friendships and relationship, but it seems that a lot of the time me and S plan in advance which makes little room for Saturday night calls from girlfriends asking if I wanna go to the club.

So, am I a good girlfriend or just a bad friend?

How do I balance the two? I'm new to this whole dating thing.

2008-01-11T15:16:00.000-05:00

So, the holidays came and went. Christmas and New Year's Ever were both eventful and memorable.

Although me and S spent Christmas in two different places, we opened our gifts over the phone the night before Christmas. He got me an IPOD classic, my constant complaints of wanting to be ipod upgraded must have been heard, and I got him a Guess watch, Givenchy cologne, and Katt Williams's "Pimp Chronicles." It was so good to get off the plane and see him again.

It was sooo good to get off the plane and see him again. Eventhough I was only gone a week, it felt like forever.

I was excited about New Year's Eve. It was my first time EVER being with someone around this time and having someone special to kiss after the countdown. Me and him just went down to an Adam's Morgan (an area in DC filled with international bars and on most nights drunken college kids). We sat in a little lounge, danced to a few songs, kissed, and decided to head home around 12:45 or so (we both had to work New Year's Eve). It was nice being there with him...having someone to celebrate things like this with!

In a few weeks we are going to go on our first weekend trip. He's been dying to go see the aquarium in Baltimore, so we decided to make a weekend out of it.

It's crazy that I have someone like S in my life. For so long I was single and never imagined that the first guy in DC that I gave a serious chance to would turn out to be GREAT! S does have his flaws like his tendacy to reply "maybe" when I ask him to do something with me or his inability to pick up the phone at times when he's running late and not to mention his habit of only answering questions that he thinks deserves an answer...i.e. me: S are you tired? him: ***crickets, crickets*** Silence!!!! I hate that!!!! But above his flaws, he's caring, loving, a true provider, accepting, among other things. He moves me!

Randomness

2007-12-12T14:34:00.000-05:00

I wrote him a poem. I don't know if I'm prepared to share it.

By the way, the play was great and we had a good night. The next day I cooked my first Turkey. I told my mother I was trying to get married...next thing I need to learn how to cook is Fufu and Cassava leaves!

Update

2007-12-05T11:14:00.000-05:00

So, Thanksgiving was nice. I admit I was a little nervous. Earlier that week I contemplated buying a pie from the grocery store so it could seem like I could cook when I went to his house. Everyone told me that was a bad idea, so I went empty handed. But hey, I can't cook and I didnt wanna bring wine...I dont wanna be known as the alcoholic girl friend.

Me and S got into a semi-big argument before we left to go to his parents. So, needless to say I had to plaster a fake smile on my face and hold back the tears. By the end of the night we were ok.

This weekend it'll be 6 months since we start dating. We're going to see the Women of Brewsters Place play and I am so EXCITED!

80/20 Rule

2007-11-07T14:39:00.000-05:00

S is definitely my 80. There are times that I wonder how I ended up with him, for he is nothing that I ever imagined. However, he is everything I needed. I believe that is what is magical between us. I never thought it would be him. There are things that I wish were different about him, but there are things I love about him. There is no need for me to try and search for the guy with the fat ride and booming bank account (the 20), when I know I have someone who cares for me despite my erratic attitudes and mood swings!!!

S brings something new to my life. I've never eating so much African food or listening to so much international music. And not to expose to much, but I feel so comfortable naked around him. He's so caring and sincere....it's amazing. Never knew I'd feel like this, but he is something else. I love the good morning text messages he sends, the wake up calls he gives me, I love wake up next to him, I love how he says my name, and the list could go on. I could complain about all the (little) things he doesn't do, but I just love focusing on the big things that he does do. He definitely lights my fire!

I'm just enjoying the journey! I'm through searching for the 20% !

This Weekend: Love and Life

2007-11-05T15:18:00.000-05:00

This weekend I volunteered at my old internship. Every year they host a big awards ceremony that celebrates and honors Black writers. This year they honored Ms. Sonia Sanchez with the North Star award. Little ole' me got to check her in and escort her off the stage. For me, and inspiring book acquisitionist and English degree holder, I felt like I just touched a rockstar! Little and bold, she stood on stage and dedicated her award to OUR children, not THOSE children. It was wonderful! To be in a place with brilliant Black people who love literature!!!

I digress.

Man It's Been A While

2007-10-26T13:44:00.000-04:00

So, I said yes and fell in love. You know, with S. He's like the India.Arie song "Beautiful Surprise." When I first met him, I was hell bent on getting him out of my life. I was afraid he was going to stop my flow of meeting other guys. When I told one of my guy friends this, he reminded me to not let go of something GREAT just because I wanna play the field or see what's out there. So, I let my heart go, and I found him. He's awesome. He cares for me. He's there for me when I need him. Compliments me completely. Meets me where I end. I love him. It's crazy because it has only been 5 months since we start dating, but I've falling for him quicker that I have with any other guy. I'm excited where things are going to go.

Since I'm not going home for Thanksgiving Break, he has invited me over to his family house. So, I'm going to meet the rents in a few weeks. I'm excited! Not sure what to wear. Not sure what to bring. I am sure that I will be on my best behavior. I want his family to love me. He is very close to his parents and siblings, so them liking me means a lot. I wonder if they'll have a problem with me being American?

I'll try to update more reguarly....even though no one reads these things!

Am I ready?

2007-07-24T12:02:00.000-04:00

So, I'm still hanging out with S. It's great to have someone around who I can depend on. It's no questioning if he likes me or not. I have no problem calling him up and saying lets hang out. At first I was a little skeptical about where our friendship was going. I was ready to commit myself to YOY and date as many guys as possible. However, I am realizing that me and S may be moving toward something greater than YOY. So, I wonder if I am ready?

Because the young twenty something me wants to go out on many dates as possible. While the "I want a man" me says welcome him and commit. I'm waiting for a sign that tells me it is alright for you to fall for this man, but does signs like those exist? Because when I started YOY I said that all I wanted was a man who called me on a regular basis and take me out on dates, Im convinced that Black men have forgotten how to take women out and perfer to just "come through" or "chill" at someone's house, but now I realize that I want something more.

Soul Mates: Ribs and Hearts

2007-07-16T12:56:00.000-04:00

So, as the blog started as a diary of me and my friends it has transformed to a blog on my thoughts on love.

I despise the word soul mate. See God created Eve to be Adam's help mate, and Adam and Eve, as humans, fell in love and Adam coined Eve his wife. And because Adam and Eve messed up that mate stuff by eating the apple, God said a man who FINDS a wife is lucky because he gave up on pairing us together. So, I would be a fool to belief that God is in heaven creating a man just for me. I believe humans come up with the idea of soul mates to justify failed relationships, why things "just won't work," and explain why they are still single. I am tired of hearing those fictional synopsis of a woman being in Paris and meeting her Nigerian King while he is on vacation from London. Our eyes will meet and we'll falll deep in love and he'll give me pretty black babies. That is BULL!!!! The truth is the search for the soul mates leaves us all bittter, because we are alays wondering when is God going to send him/her. Maybe, just maybe God has already sent him to you or you to him, but as our help mate and it is up to make the our "soul mate." But since your meeting of Mr. or Ms. Right didn't involve an a foreign land or eventful story finding forever in the brother/sister at your job. in your class, at your church, etc. seems difficult.
Let us also consider the fact that you can find love and forever in multiple people, just not everyone, but it depends on how much effort you are willing to put in. I believe that their are multiple people we can connect with. Don't get caught up in that soul mate crap. There are PEOPLE out there for you. It is up to the man you meet to call you his soul mate, his forever, his meant to be. Because God sent you a help mate it is up for your future husband to make you his soul mate!!!! Like Adam feel for Eve and claimed her as his, so will my husband. I'm convinced that if I moved to Omaha today or live in DC forever I will find someone whom I'm willing to give my heart, because he will give me his rib!

Text Messaging is the Devil!

2007-07-14T19:43:00.000-04:00

So, what is up with guys thinking a text messages is an appropriate form of communication? I hate it when a guy send text messages, but rarely calls, and think he is doing something! Honestly, for me, text m,essaging allows me to communicate with a person when I don't feel like talking to them or tied up with someone else. If I have something important to say, I pick up the phone!!!!! I believe if a guy is interested in you, no matter how busy his schedule, he'll find time to call and say "hi, how was your day?" This is why I believe text messaging is the devil, or a least a tool for weak men to communicate. Now let me state that I don't think a guy text messaging me is inappropriate. Personally, I enjoy those good morning or I enjoyed myself texts, but those I haven't talked to you in a few days and I saw you called so I'm just going to text you to make it seem like I'm interested text are DUMB and uncalled for. The reality is I often get texted from numbers I don't recognize because after not talking to someone for so long their number gets deleted.

Men please don't let text messaging be your primary form of communication!!! Woman don't let these men feel like they are doing something by texting you when a call/decent conversation is what you want!!!

I am well aware that this has nothing to do with the YOY or any interesting dates, but I think it needed to be said! Besides, I am a few months into the YOY and I guarantee you I have meet my share of guys who rather communicate with their thumbs than with their mouth!

Oh yeah, for the past couple of days when I leave work there are always this group of airforce guys, so you know what my next mission is! You got it, met one of those guys and go out on a date. Let's just hope he knows how to do more than send text messages!

What's going on?

2007-07-09T12:15:00.000-04:00

The YOY has come to a screeching hault!!!! We all have become comfortable with the guys we met or have yet to meet anyone else. I'll give you all a brief rundown: Toothis showed up at my door unannounced, my friend contemplated mailing a book back to a YOY so she wouldn't have to face him, and another friend meet a YOY tried to woe her with bible scriptures hoping that she ignored the fact that he slept on a black metal day bed in the corner of his aunt's daycare. Oh yeah, S is still around. He knew I didn't have groceries, so he brought me juice! I could not tell him we just need to be friends, but the time is coming soon becuase he has been hinting about a relationship.

With the lack of excitement in the YOY, we all want to know where are all the men at?

Despite the lack of excitement, I realize that the YOY gives you confidence and it teaches you how to date again. Although me and my friends are young 20 somethings, we sometimes forget what it means to date. A few of us had been in long relationships that just didn't work, so now jumping back into the dating scene is crazy. When I go out to a club, bookstore, restaurant, or even the metro station, I always look around to see if there are any cute guys around. I am not longer afraid to apporoach a guy that is attractive, and most of the time men are impressed when a woman is bold enough to approach them. So, Although the year is slowing down, I am, and I am sure my friends are, learning so much about dating and myself. I relaized the type of love I want and a few dates and phone calls does not guarantee you a spot in my heart, speed dial, or my bed!

I meet a fine guy on U street yesterday, lets see if he calls!

One Month In

2007-06-28T11:17:00.000-04:00

So, we are one month in to YOY. While some of us took off running, others are still trying to convince themselves that YOY is a good thing to do.

The day after we declared this year to be the YOY an unexpecting guy called my friend and asked her out, and of course she said yes. He was a young black professional, church going, and very respectful, but she was not all attracted to him. However, he showed her a great time out. Knowing that she was new to the area he took her around town and showed her parts of the DC Metro area she never seen. He was a perfect gentleman, but she swore he was a better match for me. Needless to say they still keep in contact and they even went out a few more times after that. But guys like him insprired the three strike rule: After three dates and their is no chemistry, it is fine to decline or turn them down! This friend also was taken to see Shrek 3. After she talked to a male coworker about YOY, the next day he asked her out to a movie over the weekend...I guess he knew she couldn't turn him down.

As for me, the first week of YOY I approached a handsome guy. He was sitting alone at a sports bar, and so I swallowed my pride and went to talk to him. Let me state that I NEVER APPROACH GUYS. We talked for a good 30 minutes and also exchanged numbers. No love connection has blossomed yet, but we still remain in contact. He would be a nice guy to bring home to Momma. About 3 weeks ago I met a guy, we'll call him S, and he is nothing I ever wanted. If it wasn't for the YOY I would of never given him the time of day. He has turned out to be a pretty nice guy...he calls when he says he is going to call and chillin at his apartment does not qualify as a date. I want our dates to mean more than free dinners and ice cream on Sunday nights...I want to like him. I am sure he'll appear more throughout the YOY. My most tragic Yes is a guy me and my friends like to call Toothis like Rufus...yall remember that Martin episode when Jerome tooth got stolen and he said "They trying get me for my gold toothis like Rufus"...well this player has a single gold tooth with a star in it. No, I didn't give him my number. My friend did. She believed my YOY was starting off too slow. Although he is on his way to a Ph.D, I can't get over his gold tooth having , do-rag sporting, newport smoking butt!

My other friends are less committed...one went out with a guy who wore a little blue t-shirt with a pocket, it was a wrap on him after he showed up in that...he was the inspiration for the YOHN...and the other one...good question...I really haven't heard much on her progress....maybe I'll inquire about her and let you all know!

But me, I am fully commited and ready to find love in unlikely people! I will keep you all posted!

The Year of Yes...What is it? How does it work? Why do it?

2007-06-17T19:21:00.001-04:00

Inspired by Maria Dahvana Headly (check out her website http://www.theyearofyes.com/), a group of friends decided to embrace the Year of Yes (YOY). What does this mean? Well, for the next year we would have to date anyone who asks them. Like Headley's YOY, there was some exceptions. We said no to the drugged, drunken, perverted, and the cheaters. We wanted to open their minds (and possibly their hearts) to the short, fat, balding, skinny men that they always claimed that we were not into.
Being young, college educated, and Black twenty-something year old women in Washington, DC was difficult for these women. While the city is filled with Black men who flock to the city to pursue law degrees or work on The Hill, these men are also focused on their careers or busy attracting no good women who are solely interested in what kind of car they drove or what law firm they work at.In other words, the pickings are slim. So, instead of trying to snag the next big lawyer or doctor, we decided to open our eyes to the guys (who never were their "type") and go out on dates. We also vowed to introduce themselves to a new guy once a week. This gave us the opportunity to date guys who we were physically attracted to.
This is the blog of a group of friends dating, loving, and living in Washington, DC. Although the women just started their YOY in May 2007, there have been some exciting moments in just one short month! Some vocab you might need to know: YOY is year of the yes but it can also stand for a date with a guy, Yes is a guy that the women approach, and, my favorite, YOHN is the Year of Hell Nawll this is the guy you hate to go out with but have to. SO, enjoy the Blog...laugh and be inspired!!!!! Its all about finding love in unlikely people!!!!